Fair and Equal Treatment

As a parent to a child who has special needs, we strive to educate people to treat our children no differently than they would a typical developing child. We push for inclusion in school and the community. In fact we fight for those things. Parents fight with school districts, some of them even have to go to the extent of suing for breach of an IEP.

Unfortunately, sometimes we have to fight those close to us.

The blog went private. Chris doesn't even have access to it. He's not happy about it, but he does understand why. I don't want him giving his access information to his mother.

Let's say that in August of last year, we received a phone call from her wanting to know when we were going to have Aiden's birthday party. I informed her that we were not going to go through all that trouble when NO ONE showed up the year before. No one bothered to reply to the invitations stating that they would not be able to make it. Some think that where we live it "too far to drive" but have absolutely no clue that we are constantly driving the 15 - 20 minutes to get where ever we are invited to. His mother demanded that we throw Aiden a birthday party. Fine. This date this time. Drive 35 minutes to high end bakery to buy high dollar cake.

The day of Aiden's party, Chris called his mother to remind her. And this is what her response was....

"I'm not going to come over. The house needs cleaned."

What the fuck?!

Fast forward to the later part of September....

Princess Not So Bright proceeds to inform Facebook Land that I am the "mean evil devil bitch" who makes her feel  like a "fucking retard" because I "know the answers to questions". Um, no shit Sherlock. Common sense would answer any question she has. Besides, I happen to be older, have more experience and probably at one time had the same questions. I found out the answer. It's called learning.

Now keep in mind that every single time I have been bashed on her FB, something had been said to the Princess, this would be no exception. Numerous times, she has been informed to keep me off of her page.

Chris's mom calls and jumps my ass because well.... "Princess does not need that stress in her life and you are going to give someone a heart attack." Um, first off, Princess brought it on herself. If she doesn't want to get into trouble, she can keep me off her page. Plain and simple. We've gone through this for 4 years. She knows the routine. She bashes me, she gets the short end of the stick. She should have thought about it before posting right before her finals. She should definitely be glad Chris said something to her before I throttled her.

Secondly, if you are so worried about your heart, loose a couple of hundred pounds. Pretty sure all that fat surrounding your heart will have more impact on whether you have a heart attack over your son verbally disciplining  his daughter.




Long story made short.... it doesn't matter what she wrote about me. She was only venting and shouldn't be blamed or held responsible. I am the one to blame for "stealing" Chris's password and finding out about it.

 I did not "break into Chris's facebook account." He left it open. But that is besides the point. I did wrong, Princess didn't. Fine, if you feel like sticking up for and condoning that behaviour, get the fuck out of my life and told her so.

December rolls around and I have not talked to this woman since I was blamed for Chris having an episode of Bells Palsy because I made his daughter stress out over being the "mean evil devil bitch."
She calls and wants to know what Aiden and I want for Christmas. Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me? I inform her that since Princess could not refrain from bashing me on Facebook, Aiden and I would not be attending any holiday festivities. I would hate to get blamed for once again being the subject of the day.

Christmas Day rolls around and Aiden is not feeling well. I inform my family that we would not be attending breakfast. They understand. However Chris is demanding that we attend his family dinner. Aiden is sick and puking profusely. Fine. You get to clean up the mess. We will also be taking 2 seperate vehicles. Once I get tired of being bashed and disrespected, Aiden and I are leaving.

After 1.5 hours.... time to go. It is a known fact that Chris's step father does not acknowledge Aiden. Never has, never will. He doesn't buy Aiden anything for Christmas. He knows this. I know this. Every body knows this. What does Chris's mom do? Points out this fact by asking "Don't you have anything little for Aiden?" Really? You felt the need to point out the big elephant in the room and make everyone uncomfortable? Wow! Now keep in mind I spent the last 45 minutes opening up 6 of the fugliest tops on clearance from Cato Fashions (a store I haven't shopped at since I was 16. I am almost 39) and totally inappropriate gifts (who gets a 5 year old a digital camera - not one from PlaySkool or Fisher Price?) for Aiden. Yeah, I was beyond my point of tolerance.

Let's just say the Bitch Switch was pushed, shall we.

The next day, before spending the entire day returning unwanted gifts in freezing ass rain, the stupidity continues. She calls. By this time, since my day after Christmas shopping was shot, I was livid. And I inform the culprit my pissed off'edness as to exactly what I want for Christmas this year. A simple card that says "Fuck you. You are not good enough for my son or my family" Finally, I'll get some honesty.

Skip ahead 4 more months. Yes, I said 4 months. I deliberately have not updated the blog other than for Aiden's dental procedures. I wanted to know how long it would take for Chris's mom to call and inquire about Aiden.

4 months. From December 26th until April 19th. Not once did she call to see how Aiden was doing. But then she didn't call to find that out. Nope, the official excuse for her calling was that she accidentally called me while trying to call her youngest son who had her credit card. But since she had me on the phone....

Why had I not updated the blog? My answer was straight to the point. Because there are people who didn't want Aiden or myself in their lives, therefore they have no reason being in Aiden's. Well, what about my friends who read the blog? We are friends on Facebook.

No apologies, nothing. I didn't expect one, since I am to blame and all that. But a huge argument follows in which nothing I say is getting through. She decides that I am apparently too pissed off to be nice and hangs up. So I sent her an email. No! you say. Oh yes I did...

Stephanie Bowlin	Apr 19
to Denise

This is going to be long and it is not going to be nice. If you don't want to read it, that is on you.

My attitude towards Chris's family is indicative on how they have treated me and my child over the last 5 years. Please keep in mind that the "Golden Rule" works both ways. If you treat someone like shit long enough, they are going to retaliate. And I have come to that point.  You, yourself, have treated me as if I am less than perfect for your son. Examples? ....

1) Chris is a grown man, not a child. He does not need me to wipe his ass nor apply ointment to a scratch. He knows where the Neosporan is kept and perfectly capable of applying it.

2) No, my house is not spotless. Never will be. You fail to remember that I have a 5 year old child that runs freely through out the house. I am not going to spend my entire day cleaning and vacuuming. If I wake up early to enjoy some quiet time, that is on me. Unlike you, I do EVERYTHING in this house and outside of it. Chris doesn't empty trash, mow the yard, cook, do laundry or dishes. Not to mention I AM the one who takes Aiden to all his appointments and deals with all that. I am also pretty sure that Chris would not appreciate the vacuum waking him up at 5:30 in the morning.

3) No my meds don't need "upped" to deal with your family. I don't take meds because someone is rude and disrespectful. My meds are to deal with Aiden's health issues.

4) I did not in any way, shape or form cause Aiden's heart issues. It wasn't due to any medications I took previously to getting pregnant. They were caused by him having Down syndrome. And before you start thinking that I caused that, check your facts. NO ONE knows what causes Down syndrome.

5) I did not in any way, shape or form cause Chris to have an episode of Bells Palsy. We talked to 3 different doctors and not one of them  could give an excuse as to why he got it.

6) My hysterectomy was not a "personal attack" against you. Get over yourself. You are not that big of a factor in my life. I got a hysterectomy because I was sick and tired of dealing with the pain every fucking month. I am sorry if you felt that you needed another ungrateful, disrespectful grandchild. You have 2 other sons to give you that. Did you honestly think that I would give Chris's family yet ANOTHER reason to hate my child? Uh, no.

7) When Chris is "injured" he is going to get the same sympathy and consideration he gives me. Plain and simple. He is not better than me, nor am I going to hold myself to higher standards than he holds me.

8) If I want Aiden to dress in designer clothes and I can find stores that sell them in my budget (MY BUDGET, NOT CHRIS'S AS HE DOESN'T BUY AIDEN'S CLOTHING), that is my prerogative. I don't need you and Chelsea berating me for it. If your children and grandchild are too good to wear second hand clothes and clothing from Walmart, so should Aiden. I did notice that all of the clothing Aiden and I got for Christmas were purchased on clearance and not from JC Penny, like the "perfect ones you are so proud of"
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9) We have different clothing styles. Do not ever try to dress me again. I do not wear bright clothing outside of Zumba class. Nor do I wear floral prints or things that make me appear to be even shorter than I already am. Thank you very much.

10) Chris and I will never get married. A) Aiden would lose his health insurance and SSI. Chris can not afford what Aiden needs because Chelsea wants. If I went to work full time, my entire paycheck would be going to a daycare facility to pay for Aiden's care. Having a child with special needs requires a whole lot of money. Our private insurance didn't cover Aiden's hearing aids. Sooner Care did. There is no way in hell, we could have afforded the $3000 for his hearing aids. B) Why would I legally bind myself to putting up with Chris's family behaviour? That would be beyond stupidity on my part. How JC's family treats you is on you. You allow it. I will not allow it.

11) If I don't put up with the bullshit ya'll want to dish out and not "forgive", please keep in mind I am not part of your family. I don't have to. I do not have to treat you as I would my family, you're not. But I will tell you this... if ANYONE in my family treated Aiden the way Chris's family has, they would no longer be part of my family. Those who are part of my family wouldn't come up with bullshit excuses for that person either and the whole clan would be on that person's ass in a heartbeat.

My attitude towards the grandchild you are so proud of is based on her attitude towards me. Yes, I was nice in the beginning and I got called a bitch for the effort. Fine, I'll be a bitch - in fact I am pretty good at it. She doesn't like it, tough shit. She brought it on herself with the numerous lies, bashings and manipulations. Keep in mind, I am also not her mom (her words not mine). Therefore I am not required to cook, clean, chauffeur or anything else a mother is required to do. She doesn't get more benefits from me than what my child is expected to get from Chris's family because of the same reason. Her bashing of me on a public website has been addressed and yet I am the one to get blamed and even threatened physically. I find it completely fucked up that you do not think I should be allowed to access Chris's facebook account, but you think it is perfectly acceptable for him to access mine or for you to "spy" on your husband.

No, Chris will got get custody of Aiden if anything happens to me. Chris is not able to provide a loving, accepting and supportive environment that Aiden needs in order to thrive and be a productive member of society. Time and time again, this has been proven by Chris's family. His grandmother thinks Aiden should be placed in an institution. His brother is so offended by Aiden's appearance that he has turned pictures around. His daughter has tried to make him fatally ill. And his mother has condoned all of this behaviour.  I will do what is best for my child, regardless of what Chris's family thinks is acceptable.

Do not think I failed to notice that the gifts you got Aiden for his birthday last year were from the Dollar Tree, purchased without any thought. The birthday card, meant for a 2 year old with the 2 poorly changed into a "5" was totally fucked up. I at least spend time thinking about what cards I am going to give someone. In the future, please refrain from spending any money on my child and use what is saved towards your grandchild that you love and adore. Aiden obviously isn't it. Pretty sure her gifts don't come from the Dollar Tree.

No, my child is more than likely not going to be a millionaire. That is not my goal for him. I want him to grow up to be a loving and accepting person who doesn't judge people based on bank account status, appearance or what they can do for him. And that will make him a much better person than any of your kids will ever hope to be. I am truly sorry if Chris's family can not accept him for the fact that he has Down syndrome or that he is not Chris's biological son. That is their loss. Not Aiden's. If Chris's family does not want, welcome or accept us in their lives, then they need to accept the fact that they are not wanted in our lives.

Please do not contact me again. I will not contact you. I am happy without the bullshit, drama and lies. Aiden's website has been made private. You will no longer have access to it. Please refrain from calling during the hours you know your son is at work. I will not answer the phone, You are not welcome into my life or Aiden's, because frankly, we don't need that stress. We will not attend family events as we are not family, do not extend the invitation.
Saturday was the designated day for Chris's mom's 60th birthday party. Aiden and I did not attend. The last sentence of the email should have been a huge sign. One would think. Instead, "Where is Stephanie and Aiden?"

Finally the truth comes out. I am a bitch. Yes I am. I don't lie, sugar coat or pull punches. If that makes me a bitch, so be it. The things mentioned in the email were just a small part of what this family has put me through in the last 5 years. I am entitled to be a bitch.